Why Caius gave up violence for eternity
by the queen of slurking
Summary: Caius pledges to give up violence for eternity. Why? Oneshot.


**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. If I did, I would be Stephenie Meyer and, given that I am a student, I am not her. You know how this disclaimer goes. Credit goes to Stephenie Meyer and a bottle of perfume (for the inspiration). Hope you like it.**

The day Caius pledged to give up violence for eternity

It was a regular day in the Volturi castle. Aro was wandering around listening to the thoughts of anyone near, a bad habit he'd picked up from Edward Cullen. Marcus, having decided he was bored, was sitting in front of a mirror perfecting his bored pose. His previous bored pose was remarkably boring, and therefore needed updating.

As Aro was admiring his reflection in the eight way mirror in his room, he picked up on bizarre thoughts coming from Caius' direction. It almost sounded... _affectionate?_ Or _tender?_ Coming from Caius, whose usual thought patterns tended to the violent, this was downright ridiculous. Aro decided to investigate further and followed Caius' thoughts to his room. Outside the door, he listened closely to hear better what Caius was saying. Odd, though, that there was no second speaker. And no other thoughts, since Aro didn't know who or what Caius was talking to. Maybe he was speaking to himself?

_'Please do not be afraid, little one. I swear I will not harm you in any way. In fact, I promise to you that I will never harm another creature ever again, human or otherwise. I will even become a vegetarian for you... yes, that's right. I swear I'll go to Forks and visit the Cullens, ask Carlisle for advice on adjusting to the vegetarian diet. I really will do this for you, because you are completely adorable and I love you. Perhaps everyone needs this to happen, as it will make them happy and enable the world to become a better place. For you, I will give up all violence for all eternity.'_

The world become a better place? Caius _never_ thought that could happen, Aro mused. After living with Caius for so many centuries, he should know. All he had to do was touch Caius' hand to know what Caius thought about the current state of the world. Generally, that the world was a crap place to be, the humans were constantly messing things up and that one day, the apocalypse would happen and then the world be better, but only temporarily. And who did Caius love? Was he even capable of that? There was only one way to find out.

'Caius, my brother? May I come in?' Aro picked up on sudden panic in his thoughts as he heard the knocking on his door. After a few seconds of silence and then more bizarre cooing, the door swung open and Caius stood, the oddest expression on his face. His eyes sparkled merrily while the rest of his face was composed in a fierce scowl-almost the usual for Caius, except for the sparkling eyes. 'Why are you interrupting? I was bonding with my new friend!' Caius complained.

_New friend?_ 'My brother, you have no interest in friends. You are barely interested in your family. You once said friends were for fools with no real interests. What is this friend of yours?'Aro asked, confused that his brother was now beginning to inch away from him and then randomly began dancing circles around Aro.

'I can't tell you, Aro. That is why I am moving away from you. And yes, I did say something of the sort, but that was when I was young and stupid and hadn't yet known the delights of true friendship. Or even the love that sometimes comes with friendship.'

'Caius, you know you can tell me. If necessary, I swear I shall not tell anyone. Unless it is one of the Cullen women, in which case I may have to send my condolences to the family.'

'Well... Alright, but please don't laugh. I have a reputation to keep up around here, you know.'

Aro nodded and held out his hand to shake, but Caius leaped back from touching his hand. He turned and walked a few steps, then returned to Aro with something cradled carefully in his stone hands. Aro looked curious, then, after seeing what Caius held so carefully, held out his hand again. This time, Caius touched his hand briefly and Aro saw the memories in his brother's head.

_A tiny sound by the window... Caius' irritation... Caius walking to the window... Opening it... something small and cute tumbling in through the open window and looking confused._

'It's charming. Does it have a name?' Aro asked, managing to keep a straight face.

'Yes. Her name is Esme,' Caius answered as solemnly as if he were confessing to a terrible crime.

'So, just for clarity, the one you love, the one you were cooing over before, is a fluffy duckling named Esme, undoubtedly after Carlisle Cullen's wife?' Aro asked, now only just managing to hide his amusement.

'Well... yes. I always did fancy the vampire Esme, but she's married. So I decided to name this duckling in her honour.'

A week later, the Cullens visited. Edward read Aro's thoughts almost immediately, then Caius, and left in hysterics. The rest of the Cullens left with him, and Bella asked what had amused him so much.

'Well...' Edward considered how to word it without laughing more. 'In short, Caius has fallen in love with a duckling and named her Esme. Apparently Esme, he always liked you but you were married. He also pledged to the duckling that he would give up violence for all eternity.'

Esme and Carlisle looked at each other, startled. Everyone else was in hysterics. 'So, Caius named the duckling in my honour?'Esme asked, confused. 'It seems that way' Carlisle answered.

And so it was for the duckling named Esme that Caius Volturi gave up violence for all eternity, the Volturi never hounded the Cullens again and the Cullens began to view them-Caius in particular-as something of a laughingstock.

**And there you have it. You probably never wondered what would happen if Caius fell in love with a duckling, but that is life for you. I was inspired by a bottle of perfume. I love seeing the Volturi look like idiots. Please review, even if you didn't like it.**


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